Is the loss I am experiencing *only* the death of my person?

  • NO! When a person is dying or has passed away, it’s natural to experience multiple layers of loss. These can include financial losses, such as needing to reduce work hours, leave a job, hire private care, or adjust to the absence of financial contributions from the person. Your role in the relationship may also change—for example, transitioning into a caregiver for a parent or partner. Additionally, you may grieve the loss of future plans, such as retiring, pursuing education, or traveling in the way you had envisioned. The sense of loss during this time can feel overwhelming and multifaceted.

So I can grieve more than just death?

  • YES! The sense of loss/grief during this time can feel overwhelming and multifaceted.

What is grief?

  • Grief: deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement

What is mourning?

  • Mourning: the act of sorrowing; an outward sign (such as black clothes or an armband) of grief for a person's death; a period of time during which signs of grief are shown​

What is bereavement?

  • Bereaved: suffering the death (loss)

So, what you mean when you say bereavement group?

  • ​A bereavement group is a gathering of people who are grieving the loss of someone

What is prolonged grief (sometimes called complicated grief)?

How am I supposed to know what is normal while I am grieving?

  • People wonder if they are “normal” while they grieve. There is no “right way” to grieve. Grief, like other emotions, can make its presence known both in body and mind. It can affect your work, relationships, and self-image. 

Okay, then how does it feel to grieve?

  • Some examples you may experience are
    • ​Lose your appetite
    • Experience aches and pains
    • Sleep too long or not enough
    • Feel depressed, melancholy, hopeless
    • Feel angry at the world, yourself, or your loved one
    • Feel guilty for things left unsaid or undone
    • Feel unable to concentrate
    • Feel tightness in your chest, throat, or abdomen ​
  • Stomach aches, headaches
  • Weight loss or gain
  • You may be sensitive to noise
  • The need to re-examine past actions and behaviors toward your loved one
  • Inability to concentrate; absent-minded
  • You may hear or see your loved one
  • You may withdraw or avoid seeing friends/family
  • Feel angry at the world, yourself, or your loved one

So when does grief end? How long should I expect to feel this way?

  • The grief and bereavement process are unique for everyone. 
  • Most bereaved people experience a painful period in which grief is prominent, yet manage to adapt positively.
  • Grief is not linear. It has ups and downs throughout its course.

Someone I know is grieving... how do I know what to say/do or NOT to say/do?

  • Do not force meaning on people’s experience- be present; actively listen
  • Listen: Even if you heard the story many times before
  • Do not judge
  • Show compassion: Touch their arm or offer a shoulder to cry on (if wanted)- ask permission
  • Be supportive and offer comfort even if that means being silent
  • Provide privacy
  • Make time to spend with them
  • Avoid giving advice and using clichés 
  • Acknowledge the grief they are experiencing
  • Do not be afraid of the emotional pain
  • Validate the emotional suffering of losses
  • In order to do this, we also have to be aware of our own emotions
  • Be with them in the loss:
    • You’ve been struggling with a lot lately.”
    • “You’ve endured a lot.”
    • “It takes a lot to go through what you’ve been through.”
    • Tell me about the difficulties you’ve been having.”

    • “Your voice sounds sad today.”
      ​
    • “What else about this situation might hurt a little?”

I have a family... and let's just say we all are not responding or coping the same to this experience... is that normal?

  • YES! 
  • Families are a system
    • It is not uncommon for the most important people in someone's life to also be their biggest source of frustration
    • Families are usually not all in the same place throughout this process. We all grieve and process in our own way
    • Every person has a very unique experience with the dying person.

Is family conflict normal? Is my family normal during this process?

  • Yes
  • Conflict is common as families gather during the dying process, according to a research review from nursing professor Donna Wilson.
    • ​Wilson's review of 18 scientific studies revealed that family conflict could be expected at various points in the dying process, such as when big decisions needed to be made about moving a loved one to a hospice or out of hospital, or over withdrawing life support.
    • Some of the U.S. studies showed 57% of families reported conflict as a loved one was dying and 35% fought as death drew near.

Can hospice help with my family dynamics? I cannot do this by myself! 

  • OF COURSE! We are here to guide you and your family throughout the process!

Do children grieve... and do they all grieve the same way?

  • Yes! Children do grieve, but not all in the same way. Children, tweens, and teens all grieve differently because of their different developmental stage. 
    • ​This resources from the Dougy Center may be helpful: ​

Should children come to see the person who is dying?

  • Whether a child should visit a dying person depends on their age, maturity, and relationship with the person. If prepared and comfortable, a visit can be meaningful for both. However, it’s important to honor the child’s feelings and let them choose.

Should children come to the funeral?

  • Funerals are important family traditions that can help us say goodbye, remember special moments, and feel supported. They might include a visit to see the person, a ceremony, or a burial. Kids can choose which parts to attend. It helps to explain what will happen, like how the room will look, what the person might look like, and how people might act—some might cry, others might share happy memories. Funeral directors can also help answer questions and make it easier to understand.